You’ll tell me that nobody loves you, but I do. You’ll tell me that you feel so alone, but I’ll remind you that I’m right next to you. You’ll tell me how lonely you feel and I’m trying to fill up that gap. You’ll tell me that you feel unwanted, not needed, and unloved, but I’ll tell you again that I need you because you’re so precious. You’ll tell me how invisible you feel, but you have no idea how visible you are to me. In the end, you’ll be alright because with or without me, it doesn’t make a difference to begin with. From the start, you’re just going to become somebody that I used to cross path with and I’m just learning to realized that I’m nobody to you because you still feel so unloved and unwanted. I hope you find your heart being filled with these emotions again and someone filling the gaps of it because I was unable to. You’ll tell me these things again and I’ll feel hopeless all over again and again.
It doesn’t hurt when I talk about you anymore. It used to hurt when I talk about you. It used to, but after all this time, it doesn’t hurt anymore. It been so long and it doesn’t hurt anymore. I thought it would hurt if I talk about you, but it didn’t. Is it because I’ve grown numb to all the pain or is it because I’m finally progressing and slowly moving on from you? It doesn’t hurt and it surprises me. It doesn’t hurt like it used to. It doesn’t hurt when I think of you. Have I finally grown numb to all the feelings I used to feel when I think about you? It just doesn’t hurt anymore and I don’t know if this is a good thing or bad, but it’s bittersweet. It used to be so difficult bringing you up without feeling any pain or sadness wash over me. Now it just doesn’t hurt when I talk about you. That’s something, right?
I haven’t found anyone worth holding onto or worth chasing after. For that, I am sorry if I make you feel worthless or useless, but eventually I’ll become just as insignificant as dust to you. I’ll be the books that are stored away in the attic or in the spaces where you no longer look, collecting dusts and fading away from the light, and into the darkness. I’ll become insignificant and you shouldn’t have to feel worthless or useless because I didn’t hold on or because I left. I leave everyone or most of the people who comes into my life to begin with. I just haven’t found someone who’s worth opening up to or letting in my life and don’t think it’s your fault. I just haven’t found someone who I can confide in or someone who’s willing to get to know me more than half-way because I’m insignificant most of the time. Don’t blame yourself for my insecurities or my skeptical thoughts. I’m just cynical at times.
Would you find her beautiful?
If you strip a girl of her contacts, eyeliners, mascaras, lipsticks, blush, and everything that makes her seems beautiful because she feels so secure with it, would you still find her beautiful? Would you find her beautiful in her naked skin and flaws? If a girl didn’t do her hair, dressed up, or isn’t as thin as you imagined her to be, would you still find her beautiful?
She’s in her most natural state and make-up and dressed-up or not, a girl should still be beautiful from the heart. As cheesy and corny as it may seem, the personality of a person is what makes them more beautiful than the appearance. The appearance is just really a bonus, but would you still find her beautiful?
Give me a brush and I won’t be able to paint you a beautiful canvas. Give me a music sheet and I won’t be able to play the melody you want to hear. Give me a song to sing and you won’t hear the sweetest or most angelic voice, rather you’ll hear a deaf walrus. Give me a song to dance to and I’ll give you the goofiest moves ever. Give me food to cook or give me something to bake and I won’t make you the best food in the world. Give me some time and I’ll show you my world; what’s in it and what isn’t. I’m not talented and I can’t do a lot of things, but I do know that I can love someone if they give me the time to. I just don’t do it often because most of the time, I don’t know how to love someone when there’s always someone better. Always someone better and it’s not that I’m comparing myself with them and I’m insecure, I just can’t do much like you imagined because all I have is words. Words that can paint a canvas from black and white to color. Words that can make lyrics for a song. Words that can only do so much, but it’s all I have and I hope someone can learn to appreciate words just as much as I do one day.
You looked at me with sad eyes because you know your love is fading and the distance is growing. You told me to forget you, but I told you that I couldn’t. I couldn’t possibly forget the sound of your voice, the way you saved me, the look in your eyes, and the way you adored me. You looked at me with sadness that I couldn’t explain, but your eyes told me you were leaving to somewhere. A place where I wouldn’t find you. You told me you were leaving and I kept holding on. I kept holding on and slowly, surely you were leaving. You were leaving and I couldn’t hold you back. You were leaving and you found someone else. Someone who could walk those barriers with you rather than with me. Someone who could love you so much better than I could. You looked at me and smiled weakly, wryly. I couldn’t read your expression, but only the sad eyes you shown me. You were leaving was your hint, but I didn’t grasp it until it was too late. You were leaving and there you were. Your love faded. Your eyes no longer looked at me. Your smiles slowly faded. The memories stop unfolding and I could only replay what was left. Your voice slowly drowned out. You disappeared completely and we’re only strangers. We’re only strangers now, darling. Back at square one, from the start, the beginning which means that we’re nobody together to each other. Strangers, huh? What a common word to hear in my life.
