"i find myself at 1am with thoughts
that make my bones ache."
"You are the finest, loveliest, tenderest, most beautiful person I have ever known, but even that is an understatement."
"The worst distance between two people is misunderstanding."
It’s one of those nights again.
It’s one of those nights where my thoughts are endless and drowning. Overwhelming. Suffocating. It’s one of those nights, and I hope I can learn to swim out of it. I hope.
It’s one of those nights again, and I can’t stop thinking of the darkness. I can’t.
I want to tell you this.
I want to tell you that you deserve someone who will shed a little light in your darkness. I want you to know that you deserve to be loved even if you refuse it. Even if you refuse it, please know you deserve to be loved. You are wonderful. I’ve observed enough to know this. You may find the worst flaw in yourself and say that you don’t deserve it, but you have to know you are your own worst critics. Most of the time, your own demons aren’t a representation of you, but rather just feelings. They’re just pieces of your mind, your thoughts, but they are not you. They never were. They are just your scars, your insecurities, and the ghosts that wander around you in your darkness.
I want to tell you that you deserve to be loved, but love yourself first before all else. Believe me. Love yourself. Respect yourself, and please don’t push anyone away when they try to get close to you. That’s one of your biggest bridge you need to learn to build, but that won’t happen until you accept that it is okay to let people in your life and shed vulnerabilities. Not all people are cruel, but not all people are kind too. It’s part of life, and you just have to learn to trust your own instincts, but I want to tell you that you deserve someone. You deserve to be there for yourself and put yourself first, and definitely have someone who won’t give up on you. You will find that person someday, but until then, please love yourself.
I keep trying to convince myself that you don’t have feelings for me.
I keep trying to because I don’t want to get hurt again, but it’s breaking me a little. Just a little.
But I’ll be okay.