I’ve learned to finally let you go and I can honestly say, I don’t miss you as much as I used to. I’m proud of myself for this progress because it was really hard moving on and getting on with my life. Especially knowing that you’re no longer in my life and you come and go as you please. Thank you for all the memories you’ve given me and thank you for teaching me so many things. Most of all, thank you for making me be able to feel emotions again and again, no matter how painful it became because I won’t be able to experience these emotions again for a really long time. It was a long journey, but I think my journey have come to an end. A chapter of my life have come to an end. All I really wish for is that you’ll be happy in the future or now because everyone deserves happiness at some point even if they’ve made mistakes. Just, take care of yourself because I don’t think I can keep looking over for you or caring too much anymore. It’s tiring and I decided to put an end to this all because well, I can finally say that I’m getting on with my life without always having memories of you stopping me from my track. You’re just another stranger in my life now and I wish the best for you. I genuinely do. I’m glad I let you go because now I can feel free from being so caged inside this place that I once called home. A home I used to confide in, a home I used to adore, but now it’s a home that only keep me too broken and trapped, suffocating me. Regardless, that home is just a memory now.
I have to repeat myself again and again. I’m really not worth dealing with. I’m just really not. There’s no need to tell me why I am or why you think I am, I’m just not going to see it anyway. I don’t see my own worth because of the fact that I can’t even treat people the way I want to be treated. I don’t deserve any of it because I’m just someone not worth anyone’s time. No matter how many time people say I am worth it or so, it’s something that I can’t stand hearing because of the fact that they won’t understand why I feel this way. I’m just not worth anyone’s time. Please just believe me when I say this because when the time come, you’ll see how much I’m really worth. I’m not as amazing or special as people out to make me. I’m just average. I’m just there.
Learn to be alone. Learn to not be defined by another person. Learn to not revolve your world around someone else. People come and go. So don’t allow your world to be taken away by someone if they leave. Plus, when you know how to be alone, and you’re left alone by someone, you’ll know how to survive. It may take time, but you will survive. If you can learn how to be alone, you’ll learn how to be with others without using them. A lot of people use others as means to satisfy their loneliness. People who feel the need to fill in a void. And you can only imagine what would happen when that need becomes satisfied or found elsewhere.
If you’re lonely, learn to be alone.
And if you haven’t followed this guy or this blog, I suggest that you do so. He’s one hell of an amazing writer and hold an incredible mindset in my opinion.
Shut up and stop complaining how you hate being single or that you’re “forever alone.” You’re probably single and going to be forever alone if you keep yakking and saying the same shit over. You’re single and “forever alone” for a reason. Maybe you should check yourself before you keep saying the same shit over and over again. Just saying.
I get bored of people easily meaning I’ll drop people easily because the bond between us becomes dull. That’s why I tell people that I’m not worth anyone’s time because I’m selfish. I’m selfish to the point that I end up hurting people who pull in efforts for me and I can’t even give them the same back. I used to always want someone to put in efforts as much as I put in for them, but lately I can’t even do the same for them or anyone. I just get tired of people so easily and people just don’t believe me when I say that I’m not a good person or that I’m not a good friend. I don’t even keep tab on what’s going on around me anymore. I don’t even bother with a lot of people and I don’t blame any of them. I’ve cut ties with a lot of people or I’ve slowly drifted away from them. Why? Because there’s nothing to save. There’s nothing to say. It’s just absolute nothingness. It’s just hard for me to keep someone around and it sucks because every time I do, I choose the wrong ones and then I end up pushing away the ones that do want to stick by my side even though I can’t really trust them. I suppose, it’s ironic. So, don’t be surprise if I suddenly one day stop talking to you or if I disappear and I’m no longer around.
“Your heart is like a great river after a long spell of rain, spilling over its banks. All signposts that once stood on the ground are gone, inundated and carried away by that rush of water. And still the rain beats down on the surface of the river. Every time you see a flood like that on the news you tell yourself: That’s it. That’s my heart.”
Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore.
(Source: whyevenhate)
