Ahah, that’s very true, but it’s just part of my nature or something I grew up with. That’s why I feel like it’s weird. I was taught that crying was a sign of weakness and I shouldn’t cry ever since I was a kid. So, maybe that’s why I’m the way I am right now and yeah, I can change and admit things like that, but I just choose not to. Does that make sense?
People can make me smile and laugh, but there aren’t many who can challenge me. There aren’t many who can make me cry or make me feel angry. There aren’t many who can make me sad or feel disappointed and I think that when someone isn’t afraid to tell me things that are the truth or things that are real rather than just the sweetness of things, I find them to be keepers. Why? Because there aren’t many people like that. One who can break me down or make me feel emotions to the point where I can feel it in every fibers of my being. It’s rare to encounter those people and I think it’s nice every now and then to know people just like that.
I feel pretty shitty and I just want a hug, but that’s so much to ask for. I hate feeling emotions because the moment it unravels, everything just hurts and I can’t keep my head above the water. I can’t because I know things are a lot worse than I try to imagine things to be. I know things aren’t that great and things are looking down rather than up for me right now, but I’m trying really, really hard to keep my head up and I think even doing that is so exhausting for me. I can’t run to anyone when I feel this shitty and I just pass it off as a smile or laugh. I can’t unravel this side of me to anyone and I think that’s why I struggle with opening up so much. As much as I want someone here, I refuse to admit it because it seems so weak and I don’t like showing weakness.
I just pretty much feel like shit and I don’t know how to get rid of these feelings because I know in the next couple of days, I’m going to reach my breaking point because I can feel it coming already. Everything just ache and I don’t know what to do.
You’re in love with someone
and all I can do is
watch you from here
and attend to your wounds
only when she hurts you
is when you need me,
and I feel sad
because your wounds
only run deeper and deeper
and all I can do is
love you.
If you love too deeply
and fall in too deeply,
they say you are a fool.
But I’d say you are brave
for loving someone
whether it is the idea of them,
the gap they fulfill,
or just simply loving them,
I’d say you are brave
because most people
are too afraid to love
and those are the fools.
My friend asked me if I ever been kissed and I looked at him like what kind of question is that? Then I said no and all he did was laugh at me.
