"I enjoy controlled loneliness. I like wandering around the city alone. I’m not afraid of coming back to an empty flat and lying down in an empty bed. I’m afraid of having no one to miss, of having no one to love."
"I wonder if you ever talk about missing me to anyone."
"It’s funny, when I think about this exact time last year. Things were so different. I never would have thought that things could change so much in only a year. I wonder what next October will be like."
"I don’t like needing anyone for anything."
Long story short, eventually she did open up to other people. BUT! this was not until she found herself again, and knew exactly who she is. You look for someone to complement you, not complete you. The only person that can do that is you. And now two years later, she has a loving boyfriend that made her question why she ever doubted her self-worth! :) You’ll do great!
I think you had a misconception about my post, but I want to say thank you for sharing this story with me! ^^
I know more than most that I don’t need someone else to make me feel complete, and I do agree that I am looking for someone to complement me, but time will come when it does. As for now, I’m not looking for anyone because I don’t have the time to afford or invest in a relationship unless I can really find the worth in it. Although I was speaking on friends-term rather than romance. I barely have time for myself, how can I have time for that? A relationship doesn’t always mean romance, you know? It’s sort of funny because most people mistaken that about me when it comes down to relationships because I speak about relationships on a very broad term ranging from acquaintances, family, friends, and strangers, but not so much on romance. Does that make sense?
Either way, I already know not to mind others. It’s just unfair of me not to open up to people who are willing to open up to me is all because I can get close to people, but people can’t get close to me. There’s a lot of ways to go about this, but point is, I don’t think I’m looking for someone, but I’m just trying to fix this internal conflict I have with myself.
I hope I made sense and cleared up my post for you to look at it in another light, anon. Heh.
I wanted to see the stars,
but you choose the ocean,
and don’t you know
the ocean and stars
are so far apart
because the ocean is part of the earth
and the stars are made from the galaxy,
yet the saddest part is that
they can never collide.
I realized how afraid I’ve become when it comes down to getting close to people. I no longer know if I want to open myself up, and allow them to come into the door that I leave open, or if I want to just shut it away. I don’t know if I want to spill what I have inside and let them carry that piece with them everywhere they go. It’s quite scary opening yourself up, and realizing that they could never come back to you, but that’s the point of risking and building bridges. You’ll learn to build them again and again because every bridge leads to different adventures, journeys. It leads to different feelings, and sometimes very similar to the other bridges that been burn, but it’s always a continuous journey. Always, but I just realized how difficult it is for me to let people in. I don’t let anyone know what’s going on anymore, even the people that are close to me now. Yet, I’m not sure why. I don’t want to unload things onto people that are burdensome. Nobody deserve to have the extra weight on their shoulder because of my struggles. Nobody.